According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
