k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
