I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
