The maid of honor just puked.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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