So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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