Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
