He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
