Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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