You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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