i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
