Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
