Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
