It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
