I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
