It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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