my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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