I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
