I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
