Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
