Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we're making bets on your personal life
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
