Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
