OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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