I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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