Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
