I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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