Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
