You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
