It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He shit in the fireplace
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
