If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
