i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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