Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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