Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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