i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
