please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
