How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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