...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
