so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I AM VODKA MAN
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
