She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
