Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
