this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
