there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
