butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
