i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
