So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
