Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
