Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
