We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
