hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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