Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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