we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My ATM looks so different sober.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
