oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
